An Interactive Session with Rahul Gandhi

He has, time and again, been projected as the Icon of Indian Youth by his mom’s party. The suave, boyish quaintness that he exudes eclipses the unattractive demeanour of our political greybeards. He, who has proudly unfurled the banner of the Indian Youth Congress, which envisages inculcating the revolutionary seeds of political zealousness in the psyche of the quintessential Common Man, was about to come to Mumbai for an interactive session with some college- goers.

I will now take some time to explain how it was that I got to go along with the contingent that was to take no freshie along. What I have come up with may be a trifle (read wholly) untrue, but what the hell, this blog’s name shall justify all. The contingent comprised entirely of Mood Indigo event managers, and one Coordinator had, the previous evening, asked if I would like to go. We, the Freshmen, are known the Insti-wide for our Enthusiasm. He had then proceeded to delete from the list his own name and include mine. I wasn’t the one for complaining, until, of course, the next day.

So the morning after I wake up at 6 in the morning, have a bath, wear a borrowed shirt, and amble up to the Main Building to behold it as a haven of Khakee clad Security Personnel. A brief wait rewarded me with the presence of two seniors. The entire group, however, conglomerated before the building not earlier than half past seven.

The AC bus set sail. The venue was some auditorium in Vile Parle the name of which I fail to recall. We went through the unavoidable frisking and were then ushered inside. We were given VVIP seats, (First two rows in the middle, and I chose the one rightmost in the second pier) where I hatched eggs until the arrival of Mr. Gandhi, a painful 2 hours later. The meaning of the word ‘bored’ was vivisected, revisited, and impaled on my mind meanwhile.

The entry was electric, and why not? They were all, after all, here to see this vibrant Adonis-resembling creature heralding a new conspicuous dawn in the otherwise murky skies of Indian Politics. He entered the stage flanked by 2 other MP’s, one of them the newly nominated leader of Indian Youth Congress Rajiv Satav. It was he who kick-started the proceedings with his valiant, vilifying, Fuck you Shiv Sena speech. Even as a clamour arose inside the audience from that section not very well versed with Marathi, he quelled it saying, “I speak in Hindi all over India, allow me to speak in Marathi at least in Maharashtra!” to which the general majority acquiesced, a bellow of approval rippling the dank auditorium ambience.

Next up was the other MP whose name I forget as well. He was an automobile engineer in Germany. Had kin in politics. Therefore him as well.

Next rose Rahul and proceeded towards the mike, initiating a chain response from girls who started shrieking somewhere behind. Smiling unabashedly, he gave an insight to what essentially was Youth Indian Congress. It sought to imbibe within itself and eventually into Indian political scenario people who already haven’t got relatives in it (basically people who ain’t like him, with an entire family tree to boast of).

Now that the boring intricacies have been dealt with, though not quite deftly, we reach the section where people ask myriad questions to Rahul. And as he said, “I am gonna have a lot of fun over here today.” before the first question was posed to him, he sure can be assured that we had double! Here are two of the most hilarious ones out of the entire lot.

(Some lady in the back somewhere) Saar…

Rahul:- Ohh…please call me Rahul.

(The Crowd Ahaa’s and Ohho’s, and I discern a reddish tinge creeping along the wake of her face. She straightens her mouth and begins anew, her mellisonant voice contributing to the image I had conjured of her being a bimbo…)

Lady: Rahul, saar, my question is that I wanted to ask you…

Rahul: Yes?

Lady: That sir, why it is always that people in politics have to pull each other’s legs to get to the top? Why can’t it be simple? Why have the politicians have to be so dirty and mean?

Rahul: See, there is nothing wrong with competitiveness. You see that everywhere. To not expect it in politics would be to overlook the inevitable…

Lady: But saar, then how can we expect to fight against them sir. After all,  badi machhli to chhotti macchli ko khaa jaati hai naa, saaar!!”

Crowd: Aawwwwwwww……

Rahul: Bahut saare chhote machhli bhi ek bade macchli ko khaa sakte hai…

Lady: Lekin saar….

(Crowd shushes her…)

An impeccably dressed young man emerges from somewhere, resplendent in his black suit and a red tie.  He handles the mike provided to him with an effortless flamboyance, and then…

Man: Rahul, first of all I wanted to say I am a big fan of yours.

Rahul: Thank you very much…

Man: There is this question I have been meaning to ask you. Actually before that, I would like to tell you a story….

Crowd: Groaaaaaannnnnnnnnn……

Rahul: Please go on…

Man: There was this little boy in the 8^th standard….

The groaning intensifies…

The undeterred Man: And he was not very good in studies. But he was very good in sports. And he used to win competitions and awards for his school.

He then went to the US of A and studied Sports Medicine. And after completing his course, he came back to India. That man is standing here right now.

Someone in the crowd: Whoaa….Surprise surprise!!

Man: He is standing right before you.

Applause and facetious cheering from Crowd.

Man: The question that I wanted to ask you was this:- Is cricket given more preferences in India than the other sports?

(Wait, what?)

Sir it really pains me to see this kind of an attitude towards sports in India. It is really unfortunate that sports are neglected so much in India…

Rahul: I didn’t exactly get what your problem is. Actually what you are asking might not even be attributable to politics. That is something that the masses want.

Man: But it is really discouraging sir…

Rahul: So don’t get discouraged man…

Man: Sir, but…

Rahul: We shall have a small chat after this session is over. We have to allow others a chance.

The mike was wrestled from his grasp.

 

The session ended with one guy in the audience grovelling to ask a question ‘for the love of justice’. Immediately thereafter, he stepped down from the dais, and proceeded towards the audience, shaking hands and exchanging compliments randomly. He passed alongside, grasping my hand momentarily and saying ‘Hello’ (OK, this might actually be the gayest thing I have ever said) before ambling further on in a whirl.

The crowd became too much to handle. Damsels and dudettes from colleges all over Mumbai were literally pawing each other in the face to touch one square inch of his body. The Security started escorting him back to the stage, and Rahul Gandhi, for one last time, waved to the crowd before disappearing backstage.

So back to the campus we went, with heavy hearts, disgruntled that neither MNS nor Shiv Sena had stuck to their word, barging in and raising a general hullabaloo. Would have liked to see the look on Rahuljee’s face then.

Koi gal nahi, some other time maybe.